Difficult Relationships 101: Want to scream into the void?
As a therapist, I spend my days helping clients develop essential skills for healthy relationships—setting boundaries, practicing assertiveness, managing emotions, and communicating effectively. But like everyone else, I’m human, and lately, I’ve found myself challenged in all of these areas. It’s particularly difficult when someone close to you struggles with the fundamental qualities that make relationships work. It’s as if they’re treating basic emotional intelligence like an optional upgrade they refused at checkout.
So, if you’ve ever found yourself clenching your jaw, contemplating a dramatic life change, or Googling “how to remain unbothered when people test your patience,” welcome to the club. Here’s how to handle difficult relationships with grace, integrity, and just enough sass to keep your sanity intact.
1. Feel Your Feelings (But Don’t Let Them Drive the Bus)
When someone pushes your buttons, your first instinct might be to fire off a text that could double as an Oscar-worthy monologue, disappear into a spiral of overthinking, or scream into a pillow. (All valid, by the way.) But here’s the thing—emotions are powerful, but they aren’t always the best decision-makers. Instead of reacting impulsively, take a step back and acknowledge your emotions. Ask yourself:
- What exactly is making me uncomfortable?
- Am I feeling unheard, disrespected, or dismissed?
- What do I need right now to feel more balanced?
This pause allows you to respond with intention rather than emotion. Practicing mindfulness, deep breathing, or journaling can help process feelings before engaging in a conversation.
2. Stay True to Your Integrity and Boundaries
When relationships are difficult, there’s often pressure—spoken or unspoken—to compromise your values, overextend yourself, or ignore your own needs. But integrity means staying true to what you believe is right, even when it’s uncomfortable.
- Set clear boundaries and communicate them directly. If someone continually crosses a line, calmly restate your boundary and follow through with consequences.
- Stand by your values. You don’t have to engage in behaviors that go against your principles just to keep the peace.
- Remember that being kind and being firm can coexist. You can say “no” with grace and still maintain respect.
3. Prioritize Self-Care (Without Guilt, Apologies, or Justification)
Dealing with difficult people can be exhausting, so if you don’t take care of yourself, you’re going to end up running on fumes—and nobody makes good decisions when they’re emotionally bankrupt.
- Take space. It’s okay to limit contact, mute the group chat, or go full “do not disturb” mode when needed.
- Refill your cup. Whether it’s a rage-run at the gym, blasting music in your car, or binge-watching a show with zero emotional investment, do what helps you recharge.
- Remind yourself: You’re not responsible for managing other people’s emotions. Read that again. Then again. Maybe one more time.
