The Four Horsemen vs. The Michelangelo Effect
The problems are obvious. What are the solutions? Sometimes the key to discovering what works best in a relationship is evaluating and eliminating what we know doesn’t work. We know there are a few scientifically proven actions that destroy relationships. John Gottman calls these the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. So let’s start there. The first is Criticism. Unless this is constructive with the intent of helping, it’s probably hurtful. In destructive criticism, couples will attack each other’s personality or character in an effort to prove who is right and who is wrong. It leaves both feeling angry and dissatisfied in the long and short run. These statements tend to start with generalizations, and include absolute words like “always” and “never”. The second is Contempt. In this communication...
